When it Rains, It Pours.

So, I've been feeling right with the world. I got my uhaul truck for the move, even finagled 50 extra miles, and 2 more days for free. So i could move stuff to the storage bin, which i also purchased. Got my move out date, inspection, and bulk pick up dates set. My mom is coming up for a week of utter boredom/cleaning/packing ( what we are going to do without internet noone knows!!! we'll probably end up in the corner rocking!) And then i was brushing my dog, and she started shying away when I got to her leg. Upon inspection, i found a lump. a round thing, about the size of a half dollar -_-;

SO, i call the vet, schedule an appt, which was today. Turns out, she has cancer. I'm so upset. She's my baby! she's 8 years old, and i've had her all that time. So we're having 'rushed' surgery on thursday to remove the tumor, and then we wait on the pathology, to see if its stage 1,2,or 3. I don't know why it strikes me so weird that Canine cancer is treated so much the same to Human cancer. I guess cancer is cancer no matter where it is.

Apparently they even have chemo and radiation for dogs. But i don't think i can do that to her. There was one guy whose dog lived 7 months into chemo, by the end of it he had to drag his dog screaming, into the hospital. I don't think i can inflict that on her, even if it would up her survival rate a bit. Not to mention the 8,000-10,000 dollar bills. I don't know. all we can hope is its stage one, and it will be over with on thursday. I don't want to give her up yet :(






Kira and our old dog niko, the heffer XD


she was so adorable as a puppy!



i want to share how came to adopt her, but the details involve some sensitive events that i need to ask my mother if i can share, so we will see :)

Okay

Okay so. Sorry to have left you hanging, all two of you ;). I wanted to have my facts straight.

So i went to the oncologist in Syracuse, but its a teaching hospital and no one there has ever heard of PCOS -_- So that was a lot of explaining. the doctor himself was okay. although he came in at one point told me to " take everything off then i will examine you". i sorta blinked as he walked out. See, he didn't give me any gowns >.> i wasn't about to parade around in my Birthday suit! but shortly after decided i was gonna start rooting through drawers the nurse came in and got them out for me. I got Undressed and sat on the bed and a few minutes late ( no more then 2 min) he came in. Like just came in....Didn't Knock at all! good thing i wasn't doing a jig or something >.> crazy doctors. Not to mention from his exam i was sore for two days after >.> TMI i know but still, how big were his hands?????

But anyway. He gave me progesterone, or at least a script for it. and told me to come back in 3 months. thats about it. Not worth me driving in downtown Syracuse :( OH and i owe the parkin garage 6 dollars.... which i have no clue how to pay cause, seriously i couldn't understand a word the lady was saying. I just sat and nodded my head and tried not to cry. I was REAL nervous about finding my way back to teh freeway.... which actually turned out to be easier then getting off the freeway.

But thats where i stand. sounds like fun right? i take my first dose tonight. we'll see how it goes. But at least my HUbby is home for a little under 4 weeks :D then its off to Iraq, and me off to Ohio. anywho there's an update :D have fun with that ;)

big day tomorrow

Well tomarrow is my appointment with the Gyn/oncologist. I'm nervous. And a little scared. i'm not sure what to expect, almost all the research i've done on endometrial carcinoma says that Hysterectomy is the course of action. I definetly don't want that. seriously, no. But as far as i know we are just doing a D&C and hormone therapy. I'm really hoping he realizes how determined i am to do just that.

But i have to say, i have some of the best family and friends. Aarika, Rachel, and carol all offered to be surrigates for me Lol! i haven't even went down that route longer then a passing thought. I do have to say while if the unthinkable Does happen, i would probably go that route for one child. But after that i would just adopt. I've always wanted to adopt, so its not that far from my original plans anyway. oh well till tomarrow, when i find out the plan.

Oh and i packed like 4 boxes today! and started like 3 others YAY me! hehe

Oh and much love to my ohio family. a lot of columbiana is out of power from a huge wind storm that hit monday or tuesday. I know rachel said Friday was the estimate on when they would get it back, or something like that. and Grandma and grandpa out of power also -_-

Love ya guys, and even anyone else who wanders by!


PS: Parents, wild turkeys are mean.... Stopping traffic to let your 8 yr old out of the car to chase them is NOT a good idea.... Now you know, and knowing is half the battle ;)

got my appointment

Well, if anyone has any experience with tricare, you know its crazy to get to see another doctor, even with a diagnosis of cancer -_- well i got in there about ten, and got into my doctors office, did the general "doctor things" with the nurse, you know blood pressure, temp, all that. well i seemed to have an exeptionally chatty nurse, who proceeded to tell me about how easy it was to get pregnant, and sad to say i even know how her first son was conceived O.o Now, i'm not overly sensitive, or at least i wasn't. But seriously, she knew i had been trying to conceive for over 3 years, that i was just diagnosed with something that potentially could lose me my uterus( hopefully not!) and still jabbers on...>.<

Oh and yea, have any of you ever had the doctor that touches you wayyyyy to much? Not innapropriatly, just random touches. i personally like my little bubble.... and people i don't know intruding makes me uncomfy >.> But anyway. Apparently he was new, and flustered a bit, and a little weird lol. He got on me about smoking, and managed to work in that me smoking caused my UTERAN (is that even a word?) cancer ...... seriously. That doesn;t even make sense in my head...i know what it was caused by, my PCOS.... i don't shedd my lining, the lining decides it has a fun place to party and goes too it. its also a part hyperplasia crap. anywho after touching my knee about 10 times he ran off to try to find the pathology reports that CNY faxed to him. I dont' think he beleived me that i had endometrial cancer...till he saw the papers, he kinda blew me off till he got em, then he took me serious! lol. and when he came in ( touched my knee another 10 times) blubbered through about which doctor he thought tricare would approve, he mentioned a hysterectomy... i told him no. just no Lol. but he later ( after haveing to call CNY, decide which doctor to try for and more knee touching) he "found out" that since its stage one, all the cancer is in my lining. so they do the D&C and hormone therapy just as CNY told me. so then i went and sat with referal for another half an hour, and got my referal, not to the doctor i wanted but one supposably just as good.

although....i think i'm turning into a hyperchondriac, i've been having some random pressure in my pelvic area, and i didn't think anything of it, till i read that that was a symptom of Endometrial cancer....wait isn't that a reverse hypercondriac? I dunno, my moms made me into a sort of wait it out person. i dont' tend to freak over random pains or things, but now i'm starting to worry...its kinda knew to me...i mean take the fact that i twisted my ankle like 2 months and it still hurts but meh i haven't had it checked out LOL.

you know what i'm most scared about at this moment? lol....Driving to this doctors office by myself since jonny is still in wisconsin!! lol i'm such a dork

well i think thats about all thats happened. I'm still sorta taking it in, i haven't cried much....but i have issues looking at kids -_- without at least tearing up. but i'm getting through it, i will get through it and i will have my babies! Thats my mantra!

Jessica

PS: oh! my pathology was sent to a dr at harvard! thats makes me feel all special...in a weird way >.>

pps: in the words of a friend over at myspecialK's : Cancer sucks!!!

optimism...still not so great really

Uggg... i'm starting to think this blog is bad luck. lol. apparently my pathology came back and i have stage one endometrial pre-cancer....i think thats what its called. i was so floored, who knows. I'm not even sure what teh difference is, between pre and cancer, or if i heard wrong. i'm just....floored...more later.

Onward!

Well now that I'm done feeling sorry for myself, I'm ready to embrace what was thrown at me and move on. Actually I've been done with my own personal pity party awhile ago, i just hadn't felt like blogging just yet :).

I did some research and asked some questions over on a pcos community, http://www.pcoscommunity.com/index.php ( in case your interested ;)) and i have a bit of a better grasp on Hyperplasia. Its not as scary as i thought, and is actually easy, and a bit benificial for me. I just heard the words Pre cancer and thats what my brain focused on at the time. What happens with a lot of PCOS'ers, is we don't get our monthly visitor. I think the averages is 6 times a year or less. And the lineing builds up, makeing, at least in my cause the cells of my lining go into hyperdrive. Since we don't ovulate, our body's aren't getting the progesterone that's released when the egg deterierates, so the course of action is to take a progesterone pill a few times a month to induce my monthly visitor. Its the same effects as the Birth control, but without the contraceptives ;) I have my list of questions to take in the 16th and then i;ll go from there, :).

But like i said, I am back to optimistic mode, although last night i think i forgot to take my meds, and man i'm paying for it today. I feel all sorts of crappy. although that might have to do with Jonny starting his two week training in wisconsin.

Oh and on top of that, i am in the process of moving back to ohio when jonny does his tour in iraq -_- its incredibly stressful trying to figure what we neede, what we don't need, figuring out housing, and getting ready for Iraq. But the money we will save will be great, and go towards getting me that Hybrid SUV i am soooo dieing for! But i'm gonna get all decor packed away this two weeks and come october we will be whittleing down on essentials. like only haveing two towels, two washclothes, that sort of thing. the hardest will the kitchen i think, but i might wait till after he leaves for that, or at least the majority! lol. anywho Blessed Be!

optimism..not so great really

Welp i went in for my post op appointment, with high hopes to get the baby making underway. and well i got my bubble burst pretty darn quick. Apparently everything "looks" fine, but they sent in a sample of my lineing ( or something) and i guess it raised some flags. apparently i have endometrial hyperplasia. Which i guess is pretty common for PCOS'ers, but something was off on mine, so they sent it for further pathology to determine if its precancer cells or not. I go back in in two weeks to find out, and find out what else we need to do.

Seriously can't i just have my babies :( its all i want :(...