Okay so I promised some pictures, and then I got distracted. You know, shiny things, they are... shiny. and Pretty. Sort of want to start a mag pie nest. But any way. So I thought I'd show some general non people photo's I'm particularly fond of. Nothing super amazing, but I'm thinking of printing off some of these, framing them, and seeing if they sell. Especially the kitchen ones. Here they are: PS: click to see biggggeeerrrrr if you want :)

 Kitcheny things. Although I wonder if I could sell prints of the measuring spoons if they have kitchenaid on them? haha.
  These are Whale Vertebrae at Pioneer park I shot one day. I just really love the texture and crevices.

Genesis by Bernard Beckett

First off I have been really into the Dystopian genre. It's the opposite of the utopian world, generally were something catastrophic happens and the society that evolves from that although flawed. It doesn't always have to be catastrophic, sometimes it's just an evolution of the world. But anyways, I've been caught up in it, and luckily it's been picking up in the literary world as a bit more popular, so I'm finding more and more!

On to the book. It's not really a a religious book, but it has a lot of basis and a lot of vague similarities with the genesis story. But it's about Anex, who is applying to get into basically a college, that basically holds the Islands history. The dystopian aspect comes from the Island literally built a wall around itself to keep out the plague that is/has fallen on the rest of the world. The story is told through Anex recollecting the history of Adam, a catalyst to some great change on the island, but we are left to find just what happened late in the story.

I can't tell you really what makes this book so fantastic (even if it's pretty short) without ruining it for you. I lent it to a friend and he read it in 2 days with many "OMG" "MIND BLEEP* ( bleep inserted for people with sensitive eyes). We then had a lengthy nerd-tastic conversation on what it meant to us. It's just that story with a concept that is hard to fully grasp but creeps you out all the same. Just go read it!! Right now!! ;)

I am back!

Not that many people read this but I decided to pick it up again. With a little revamp, I plan on sharing a bit of everything in my life! This includes, but not limited to, the cancer, photography, college, recipes, books, and army life. So it will become even more incoherent rambling-esque, aren't you excited?

For a quick catch up, I am in Alaska, have been for two years now, with one to go. It's amazing, I won't lie. I am though, seriously having homesickness symptoms and can't wait to at least be closer to my godkids and mom. I still have cancer, but we're working with it, it hasn't spread and the hormone therapy is working. Still trying to get pregnant, but as soon as I get too the lower 48, I will be looking into adoption regardless of where the cancer takes me. I am in school for a bachelors degree in Photography, and I think I'm pretty decent at it, although I really need to keep building my confidence. I'm very unsure of a lot of things. Jonny got promoted to E-6, so we're happy about that.

well that's a quick recap, I'm going to do a post of some Alaska scenery here soon!

Is it just me......

Or is David hasselhoff incredibly skeevy? He just creeps me out -_-

Roarz

So its been awhile, sorry about that. Its been a bit hectic, a bit boring, and bit just normal.

So i moved back to NY, which was interesting, lugging furniture up and down stairs in 90+ degree humid ass weather....not fun. Thought i was gonna die of heatstroke! i know some of you live in horribly hot weather, but come on, this is ohio, thats sweltering! but we got it all situated and made the drive up caravan style. we had the moving truck, teh cadillac ( which i drove and man those are nice! i don't think i shifted once in 6 hours o.o) and my car the dingy butt dented intrepid.

But once we got here, we got to see the house, and i have to admit to almost fainting in joy once i walked in. I HAD STAIRS! not just crappy outside stairs that make groceries a pain, but honest to goodness carpeted house stairs. Now, this may seem a strange feature to get excited about, but i haven't been in a 2 story house since i was 18, i'm 25 now. something about haveing an upstairs, makes me feel classy ;) The lady showing us the house, probably thought i was nuts, i just kept walking around stage whispering " I have stairs!!!" like 12 times.... I also have 1 and half baths. I'm pretty sure this is the former officer housing. I've never seen a non officer getting a two story unless you had twelve kids. So hey i'm excited!


Going back to the oncologist this month sometime if i ever call the jerk. its on my list shhhh. so is the dentist. so not much on that front, really.

Oh i got contacts, for the first time. still getting used to them, i'm having minor issues with seeing close up, but its only been like 3 days.

Been going to the gym, with courtney and thats been pretty nice, its nice to work out, and be a little more serious about losing weight. go me!

Had to take salem to the vet, that was interesting. he starting pulling up his back leg and walking on three legs, no immediate pain or anything so i made hima quick appt for shots and to get it looked at. Turns out he has Lyme disease..YAY...no, not really yay. but apparently dogs have a vaccine for lyme disease??? why don't humans??? anywho. its curable/treatable, so we're doing all the pills and crap now, and he's already walking on teh leg again, so apparently its working lol.

Jonny comes home in 2 months about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay! then we get to start making real plans for alaska. i kinda wish they would up our leave date, i don't really want to move to alaska in February. its gonna be a hell of a shock to our systems upstate NY is cold but its not -40/-60 weather! but i don't want to miss christmas with our family either. sigh decisions. anyway off i go!

alaska bound!

So big news. Jonny IM's me and asks, " if we were to get a change of station, where would you want to go?" of course i picked the south, i was really digging the thought of no snow after 4 winters in upstate NY. So jonny says how about north? -_- i went " oh no.....alaska?" turns out yes alaska! i was a little ambivilant to whether i wanted to really go. but now, after some long thinking and research, i'm excited as all get out.

I keep thinking that i'm gonna be up close and personal with the northern lights, all the mtns, and animals. Mooses! i'm gonna see mooses! and reindeer, i am now the envy of all the kids ;) Everyone i've talked to has loved it up there, and i really think i will too.

But this move really put a kink in my plans. I was originally planning to stay in Ohio till septemberish. then move back to NY. But now with the threat of our orders we have to have at least 6 months " sustainability " in the house on drum, and i wanted to take my self off of deployment hold, relatively quick in case that his orders came in before a house became available. But, of course i took myself off deployment hold on friday, and today, a tuesday, i got a house LOL. I have to say i'm excited to have my own place. Not that living with my mom hasn't been a blast, all we do is laugh. plus she does the dishes! but i want to move. like now. i LOVE setting up house. its why i love moving! that and the automatic purgeing that happens.

but its set up so we're gonna move on the 27th. but I *think* that the army will the stuff i have in storage in NY for me. if they do that wow will i love them I have one of those old tv's that weigh the equivelant of a baby elephant and one hell of an awkward tv stand lol. well anyway thats my big news! Alaska Away!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spring has Sprung

Ever notice how spring, just sort of sneaks up on you? One day your looking out on barren trees wondering where the green is. Then the next day its an explosion of so many greens. If that isn't magic in the world i don't know what is. I love spring, just as much as I love fall. It just seems like magic is in the air.

Jonny came home for R&R this month. I just sent him back today. I hate sending him back. Its like, I enjoy R&R, but i hate it at the same time. But we had fun visiting his family, and his brother got married to another Jessica. So now there is two in the family! But she's an awesome girl, i'm sure she'll be an awesome sister-in-law too.

Still no word on my biopsy, I'm starting to get a little disgruntled... Its not like its CANCER or anything. ( insert sarcasm there) I don't like this doctor and i'll be glad when i can get away from him and back to my oh so awesome fertility clinic.

While Jon was home, we had a grand old time "car shopping" as we drove around. We're looking to buy a second car when he gets back, so that i can get a job. But we'd see a neat car and talk about them. Okay so it SOUNDS incredibly boring but it was good fun.

anyway thats about it. have fun :D

hey hey

sorry its been so long! lots of stuff has happened since my last post, so lemme fill ya in!

I went in for my second, and hopefully last, biopsy in March. I still haven't heard back on the results. but I'm starting to think that this Office isn't as together as they look. When i went in the second time for the same procedure i got done in December, the nurse ( who was much less snooty this time around) hands me a release explaining the things that could go wrong all that, to sign. I kinda look at her with what i am sure is dumb look on my face. I haven't seen this before. at all. so i ask her 'shouldn't i have signed this last time?'. which gets me my dumb look returned lol. apparently they 'forgot'. They seem to have also forgot to have me sign for my insurance. which means they forged it. which doesn't make me happy. But as soon as they give me my results, and if they are good, i won't be going back -_-; thanks goodness.


also as i reported Kira still has random issues with her hip, but i can't keep her away from that ball! see how happy she looks :

Click for a bigger pic


she loves that ball! LOL
and so does salem even if he can't catch it, seriously click the picture it makes me giggle like no other!


i also got a new camera! I call it my semi professional camera. I'm trying to take my photography a little more seriously. i'll share one i did of my sister in law and my neice.

I didn't resize this so it may be huge. but it was edited in photoshop to pretend like i had the filters, which of course i don't LOL. but i thought it was great none the less.

I also had an easter egg hunt for my neices and nephews, i'll eventually put up pics of that, but if not they are on my myspace.

OH have i also mentioned my car hates me? apparently it's missing jonny. more on that later too!

and the result of the Biospy is.....

GREAT! got good news ( finally!) the other day. They said the progesterone is doing its job, and the cancer is slowing. Or at least from what i understand, thats what the progesterone does. They say that in 3 months i'll go back up to Syracuse get a biopsy and I think, a D&C. I'm a little unclear if they are going to do the D&C then or schedule it for later. hopefully then. It was okay driving to syracuse when i lived an hour away, but a bit tougher when its 5 hours! I just didn't see the point of transferring doctors, when i only see him in 3 month stints, and i'll be back at Fort Drum at the end of the year. But anyway, after the D&C, i have to wait 6 months, and then i can start trying to have kids again. I'm ecstatic about that. Jonny will be home, and the world set right again!

Sorry for the lack of postings. But really, this blog was supposed to be a conception journal. Dealing with the PCOS and all that, i thought it might be helpful to others, and also keep those interested in my life in tune. But since all that got put on hold its been tough. Its all been just plugging along the waiting game it is.

OH! As a side note, i came home from Fort Drum to get away from the cold and snow! what nerve does Ohio have to dump a crap ton of snow on me! hehe. oh well its still not quite as bad as NY. they've gotten about ten times this amount we have since i left in October. But poor salem can't even get over the snow drifts to pee Hehe.

anyway. Nothing new with me, how are all you doing?

No more fetch for Kira

Well, I feel horrible for my dog, Kira. This dog LIVES for fetch. I'm a firm beleiver that she would eventually die with a tennis ball in her mouth. She just loves to run. But shortly after moving in here, we went out to play fetch, and a few hours later she could barely hold wait on her right leg. I immediatly panicked ( paniced? panic-ed? >.>) and thought " oh no, her hips are starting to go!". I didn't even put two and two together with the ball thing, till later. i set up a vet appointment, in case she did something really wrong, like popped out her hip, or fractured it. SHe is an old dog... but the next day she was walking better and by the third or fourth day she was fine, so i cancelled the appt, thinking she wretched it. Cause, well, she slides and twists all over the place after that ball! I've seen her do somersaults in her younger days LOL! But i decided to break from playing fetch just to give her time to recuperate and all that. but anyway fast forward a month and half, to yesterday. it was incredibly nice, and almost warm, so we went out to burn some of that energy off, and lo and behold, a few hours later she's limping. It makes me so sad to think we can't do the one thing she loves the most in this world, except maybe me ;)I dunno, its hard to come to terms with her getting older. She'll be nine in june, i beleive, which isn't horrible old, but this year was hard on her as far as health. But here's to hoping for many more healthy years yet.


Also on a side note. My car was fixed, but i had that all to well known womens curse happen. It makes a noise for me that sounded like parts of my wheels were dropping out, but noone else but my mother hears it O.o. but there was something that needed fixed, a wheel bearing, or something of that nature. Also it made it to Syracuse, and back without killing us all! But i'm a paranoid fool, and now i swear every creek and rattle it makes, i swear its the car plotting to blow up on me >.>;;

Obviously the computer is fixed also, but slowly but surely other things are blowing up on me. I swear everything mechanical, or electronical ( a word? i think not but i like it anyway!) gets a memo the minute Jonny steps out of the country. who is this memo maker, and where can i maim him at! anywho but its working for the time being. so yay for that at least.

oh and from teh oncologyst we're just waiting on a biopsy result to find out how the hormone therapy is working. If all goes well, i'll be able to start trying for kids again in october! which is just perfect considering jonny will be home in November!!!! anywho thats it in a nutshell. <3

i want my husband home :(

I'm so disgruntled today..... what a day. well, really what a week. First my video card went debunk, and likes to shut off whenever i do anything graphic intensive. which if you know me, i play world of warcraft like crazy. So, we've been trying to figure that out all week, and it alone is stressing me out.

Then to day my mom's follow up appt for her surgery was today and we wanted to get some running done before, and after really. we get in my car, and something starts clunking.... so we stop at a sheetz and everytime you turn the wheel it clunks...apparently a wheel bearing or something went. great. so we went back and took my moms car, who's power steering was so bad, we stopped to get some for it. turns out her water pump was, well, dripping like a fountain. so here we are, with no cars, her appt is today, and we have to drive to Syracuse NY on thursday for my oncologist appt......

i want Jonny home :( he knows what to do when this shit happens not me. i'm just lost without him :( and everything explodes when he's not here :(

uggggggggggggggggggggggg

I'm alive!

i swear it! just been moving about, the first place i was supposed to stay in didn't work out, but luckily my great aunt had an apt, and i'm now living with my mom again LOL. which is okay since she's having surgery tomorrow lol. anyway more later :)

Jessica

My poor girl

This is the infamous E-collar. And the t-shirt >.> now you tell me how she ate a bag of dog food, and finagled outta that shirt!



\


and one of salem and jonny just for cuteness :)



But anyway, Time is ticking. Jonny's leaving in a few days. the lovely army moved up his leave date:( only by two days, but still thats two days we had together! I knew, at least deep down that they would move his date, the old one has been in effect for months and months now. Last time he went to Iraq the date changed 7 times before they left, so it was more just waiting for it. :( silly army.

I have to go in for blood work sometime soon, to see if i have to stay on synthroid or not, i'm hoping not. although its the tiniest of my pills being back down to 9 pills a night is better then 10 right? Plus, if i can get off those, it may help my weight loss again, even though its not guarenteed, its still something to look foward too! Oh, and this prgesterone i'm on? about 10ish everynight i start getting the worst case of munchies i've ever had! and thats saying a lot if you know anything about my " wilder" days >.> /innocent i swear. its horrible to resist, so i started just not buying munchies. Its killing me, but i rarely feel like cooking at 10pm, so its working so far! lol.

anywho thats all for now. :) talk to you laters I'm sure.

Hiya :)

So i went to bed really early last night. Well, early for me anyway, about 9 o'clock. To be truthful, i read maybe for about an hour, I just started Brisingr :D. But after a fitful night of sleeping i woke up at 6 am with a headache :( there's not much worse then waking up with a headache :(.
As a result of said headache, i don't feel like doing much of anything today. I walked into the laundry room, and was pleasently surprised that jonny had switched laundry, only to then notice he didn't fold them, just tossed 'em in a basket on the floor :(. Typically man lol. But all i could bring myself to do was sigh at them and walk away. I did manage to start a pot roast, but really thats minimal work anyway, so it sort of fits in with the theme. lol.
Jon's mom came up for a few days this weekend, it was nice. Although i felt bad, since she's an early riser, and well, we're not >.> Jonny Normally is, but he's been on block leave for two weeks, and staying up late with me. so noon has been our morning wake up ;) Its gonna be a rude awakening whenever we do have kids LOL!
OH, on that subject, I think i've touched on it before, about the amount of people who stood up and offered to be a surragate if this cancer took a nasty turn, But most of them there was something that i thought would be a deterant, like one had their tubes tied, one was menopausal. Turns out, at least from what little i can find that both of these people can still carry babies to term. There isn't much of a point to this, but my amazement at what modern science can discover/do. And if the worst happens and i lose my uterus this is a real possibility for me. I would like one biological child, then i'm happy to adopt :D. I want a large family, and i will have it >.> /determined!
Other then that i'm feeling fine, doing fine, just a little overwhelmed with everything going on here. Jon leaves in a week and a half, i move in a about 2 weeks. Even that i don't know how to feel. I am very excited to be moving back home, but saddened by the reasoning why. I don't want him to leave, but i want to be home already. Its confusing, and my eagerness to get home makes me feel like a bad wife. Don't get me wrong i can barely talk about him leaving, I don't want him to go, its just weird having completely oppisite feelings/emotions beating at my head.

OMGoff topic, random story. While his mom was up, we went out to dinner, and then to a local comedy club. We, of course, left kira and salem at home, and put the E-Collar ( big ol' cone thing) on kira. After Moving anything glass she would inevitably knock over, we were confident she would be okay, and left at about 4. about 11 o clock i came home to the weirdest events i have ever experienced in my pet owning life. Kira, being the neurotic dog that she is, somehow managed to do the impossible. We have a T-shirt on her, to deter her from picking at her stitches, she somehow, managed to take off the t-shirt, over her cone, and leave it in the hallway. She also managed to eat ( mind you in a E COLLAR!) a bag of salems Dog food, then puke it all over my new couch and throw pillows. I can not for the life of me figure out how she ate it. all i can imagine is a scoop and catch method.... which makes me giggle uncontrollably. I'll take a pic of her in the collar tonight so you can get an idea of this. it really is absurd. she also poo'd all over. it was crazy. So needless to say we learned our lesson and she will NOT be staying home alone with the E-collar -_-

anywho that was my weekend >.> how's yours?

Updates Updates Updates

Ug what a week. Things have been moving. I'm still packing, and getting a lot done, it just seems slower then I wanted. Also i seem to be running low on good size boxes.

After Living with Jonny for almost 8 years we have accumlated a lot of JUNK. And i mean junk. It doesn't help that i seem to have a gene for "pack rattery", lol. I actually found a phone jack, not weird enough you say? it still had teh wires that go up into the wall attatched... still not weird enough? Last time we messed with phone jacks was 5 years ago. Somehow it managed to travel with us from Ohio to New york. I've managed to supress the pack rat gene, and threw out a great many trash bags full of useless things. That made me feel much better. although i seem to have somehow inherited an entire box full of those 70-80's knit throws that are all green yellow and Orange.... Who thought up that color combination??? its horrible. I was just going to pitch them, but a great friend mentioned she thought she knew of a charity that took old blankets for those who had none, they aren't great, but something to keep you warm doesn't have to be pretty. If any one knows of such a charity let me know.

Oh, i got the Pathology back on Kira, her tumor was stage II, so thats not great. But its not the worst, we mostly have to watch to see if it comes back. She's doing great, although killing me with that evil sad look when we put the E-Collar on her at night. I just can't afford another 400 dollars if she decides to rip out the stitches -_-. But she's already bugging to go out back for a run, so i'm assuming she's feeling dandy ;)

OH. the worst part of this week? Apparently my Aunt passed away. Last week. Noone decided to tell me or my sister. so we missed the calling hours and everything. Needless to say we are very not happy with that side of the family right now. She was a wonderful aunt, and I would have liked to have gone. sigh

anywho thats my updates, here soon i'll be without internet, till around the first, although i'm not sure when the internet will be turned off. we'll see. well have a good week folks :)

When it Rains, It Pours.

So, I've been feeling right with the world. I got my uhaul truck for the move, even finagled 50 extra miles, and 2 more days for free. So i could move stuff to the storage bin, which i also purchased. Got my move out date, inspection, and bulk pick up dates set. My mom is coming up for a week of utter boredom/cleaning/packing ( what we are going to do without internet noone knows!!! we'll probably end up in the corner rocking!) And then i was brushing my dog, and she started shying away when I got to her leg. Upon inspection, i found a lump. a round thing, about the size of a half dollar -_-;

SO, i call the vet, schedule an appt, which was today. Turns out, she has cancer. I'm so upset. She's my baby! she's 8 years old, and i've had her all that time. So we're having 'rushed' surgery on thursday to remove the tumor, and then we wait on the pathology, to see if its stage 1,2,or 3. I don't know why it strikes me so weird that Canine cancer is treated so much the same to Human cancer. I guess cancer is cancer no matter where it is.

Apparently they even have chemo and radiation for dogs. But i don't think i can do that to her. There was one guy whose dog lived 7 months into chemo, by the end of it he had to drag his dog screaming, into the hospital. I don't think i can inflict that on her, even if it would up her survival rate a bit. Not to mention the 8,000-10,000 dollar bills. I don't know. all we can hope is its stage one, and it will be over with on thursday. I don't want to give her up yet :(






Kira and our old dog niko, the heffer XD


she was so adorable as a puppy!



i want to share how came to adopt her, but the details involve some sensitive events that i need to ask my mother if i can share, so we will see :)

Okay

Okay so. Sorry to have left you hanging, all two of you ;). I wanted to have my facts straight.

So i went to the oncologist in Syracuse, but its a teaching hospital and no one there has ever heard of PCOS -_- So that was a lot of explaining. the doctor himself was okay. although he came in at one point told me to " take everything off then i will examine you". i sorta blinked as he walked out. See, he didn't give me any gowns >.> i wasn't about to parade around in my Birthday suit! but shortly after decided i was gonna start rooting through drawers the nurse came in and got them out for me. I got Undressed and sat on the bed and a few minutes late ( no more then 2 min) he came in. Like just came in....Didn't Knock at all! good thing i wasn't doing a jig or something >.> crazy doctors. Not to mention from his exam i was sore for two days after >.> TMI i know but still, how big were his hands?????

But anyway. He gave me progesterone, or at least a script for it. and told me to come back in 3 months. thats about it. Not worth me driving in downtown Syracuse :( OH and i owe the parkin garage 6 dollars.... which i have no clue how to pay cause, seriously i couldn't understand a word the lady was saying. I just sat and nodded my head and tried not to cry. I was REAL nervous about finding my way back to teh freeway.... which actually turned out to be easier then getting off the freeway.

But thats where i stand. sounds like fun right? i take my first dose tonight. we'll see how it goes. But at least my HUbby is home for a little under 4 weeks :D then its off to Iraq, and me off to Ohio. anywho there's an update :D have fun with that ;)

big day tomorrow

Well tomarrow is my appointment with the Gyn/oncologist. I'm nervous. And a little scared. i'm not sure what to expect, almost all the research i've done on endometrial carcinoma says that Hysterectomy is the course of action. I definetly don't want that. seriously, no. But as far as i know we are just doing a D&C and hormone therapy. I'm really hoping he realizes how determined i am to do just that.

But i have to say, i have some of the best family and friends. Aarika, Rachel, and carol all offered to be surrigates for me Lol! i haven't even went down that route longer then a passing thought. I do have to say while if the unthinkable Does happen, i would probably go that route for one child. But after that i would just adopt. I've always wanted to adopt, so its not that far from my original plans anyway. oh well till tomarrow, when i find out the plan.

Oh and i packed like 4 boxes today! and started like 3 others YAY me! hehe

Oh and much love to my ohio family. a lot of columbiana is out of power from a huge wind storm that hit monday or tuesday. I know rachel said Friday was the estimate on when they would get it back, or something like that. and Grandma and grandpa out of power also -_-

Love ya guys, and even anyone else who wanders by!


PS: Parents, wild turkeys are mean.... Stopping traffic to let your 8 yr old out of the car to chase them is NOT a good idea.... Now you know, and knowing is half the battle ;)

got my appointment

Well, if anyone has any experience with tricare, you know its crazy to get to see another doctor, even with a diagnosis of cancer -_- well i got in there about ten, and got into my doctors office, did the general "doctor things" with the nurse, you know blood pressure, temp, all that. well i seemed to have an exeptionally chatty nurse, who proceeded to tell me about how easy it was to get pregnant, and sad to say i even know how her first son was conceived O.o Now, i'm not overly sensitive, or at least i wasn't. But seriously, she knew i had been trying to conceive for over 3 years, that i was just diagnosed with something that potentially could lose me my uterus( hopefully not!) and still jabbers on...>.<

Oh and yea, have any of you ever had the doctor that touches you wayyyyy to much? Not innapropriatly, just random touches. i personally like my little bubble.... and people i don't know intruding makes me uncomfy >.> But anyway. Apparently he was new, and flustered a bit, and a little weird lol. He got on me about smoking, and managed to work in that me smoking caused my UTERAN (is that even a word?) cancer ...... seriously. That doesn;t even make sense in my head...i know what it was caused by, my PCOS.... i don't shedd my lining, the lining decides it has a fun place to party and goes too it. its also a part hyperplasia crap. anywho after touching my knee about 10 times he ran off to try to find the pathology reports that CNY faxed to him. I dont' think he beleived me that i had endometrial cancer...till he saw the papers, he kinda blew me off till he got em, then he took me serious! lol. and when he came in ( touched my knee another 10 times) blubbered through about which doctor he thought tricare would approve, he mentioned a hysterectomy... i told him no. just no Lol. but he later ( after haveing to call CNY, decide which doctor to try for and more knee touching) he "found out" that since its stage one, all the cancer is in my lining. so they do the D&C and hormone therapy just as CNY told me. so then i went and sat with referal for another half an hour, and got my referal, not to the doctor i wanted but one supposably just as good.

although....i think i'm turning into a hyperchondriac, i've been having some random pressure in my pelvic area, and i didn't think anything of it, till i read that that was a symptom of Endometrial cancer....wait isn't that a reverse hypercondriac? I dunno, my moms made me into a sort of wait it out person. i dont' tend to freak over random pains or things, but now i'm starting to worry...its kinda knew to me...i mean take the fact that i twisted my ankle like 2 months and it still hurts but meh i haven't had it checked out LOL.

you know what i'm most scared about at this moment? lol....Driving to this doctors office by myself since jonny is still in wisconsin!! lol i'm such a dork

well i think thats about all thats happened. I'm still sorta taking it in, i haven't cried much....but i have issues looking at kids -_- without at least tearing up. but i'm getting through it, i will get through it and i will have my babies! Thats my mantra!

Jessica

PS: oh! my pathology was sent to a dr at harvard! thats makes me feel all special...in a weird way >.>

pps: in the words of a friend over at myspecialK's : Cancer sucks!!!

optimism...still not so great really

Uggg... i'm starting to think this blog is bad luck. lol. apparently my pathology came back and i have stage one endometrial pre-cancer....i think thats what its called. i was so floored, who knows. I'm not even sure what teh difference is, between pre and cancer, or if i heard wrong. i'm just....floored...more later.